YOUR 15 MINUTES:Penile Imposters

All hope was not lost when a 44-year-old Chinese man (whose name remains anonymous so we'll refer to him as Mr. No Ding Dong) lost his penis "an unfortunate traumatic accident" that left him with a small stump, unable to urinate or have sex normally. I'm sure you thinking "how could that be...losing a penis sounds pretty hopeless...Well, amazingly Chinese doctors say they successfully transplanted a penis on Mr. No Ding Dong. Yes, you heard me...a penis transplant. Mr. No Ding Dong is now Mr. Nu Ding Dong. The case appears to be the first such transplant reported in a medical journal — European Urology, published by the European Association of Urology. Surgeons led by Dr. Hu Weilie at Guangzhou General Hospital performed the transplant in September 2005, a hospital spokesperson said Tuesday. The penis came from a 22-year-old brain-dead man whose parents agreed to donate his organ. Yep, I think you'd pretty much have to be braindead to agree to donate your penis. Braindead or both really really really really really drunk and stupid.

"There was a strong demand from both the patient and his wife" for a transplant, and the operation "was discussed again and again" and approved by the hospital's ethics committee, Hu writes in the journal. Despite how shocking and radical the operation sounds, it involves standard microsurgery techniques to reconnect blood vessels and nerves. From a medical point of view, "the main hurdle is the functional recovery," said Dr. W.P. Andrew Lee, chief of plastic surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. However, the ethical and psychological challenges in such cases can be even more paramount, as this and other recent transplants involving hands and faces illustrate. After transplant surgeries, patients will need to take lifelong immune-suppressing drugs to prevent rejection of the new organ. These drugs can cause kidney and other damage, acceptable risks when the transplant involves a vital organ such as a liver or heart, but more ethically dangerous when the operation is aimed at improving quality of life rather than extending it.

Unfortunately, the psychological aspect of the surgery got the best of Mr. Nu Ding Dong and doctors had to once again amputate his penis fourteen days after the transplant. Mr. No Ding Dino and his wife requested that the organ be removed "because of the wife's psychological rejection as well as the swollen shape of the transplanted penis," the surgeons report in the journal. Lab examination showed no sign of rejection, the doctors report. If adequate attention had been paid to the need for counseling and other psychological concerns surrounding the transplant, "the need for penile amputation could probably have been avoided."

I see this as an entrepreneurial opportunity. I have friend who is a doctor and he does urology surgery using robot technology. If he can do robotic surgery and he's already a urologist, I'm pretty sure he could start transplanting penises on demand. On our free time we can start a holistic clinic for the modern couple and offer penile transplants for the guy who’s ‘just not that “into” you.’ [source]