Friday, February 23, 2007

Two Cheeky Chicky Blind Vices

Being a child star is tough, right? Fame at a tender age equals big bucks along with big trouble for most...certainly did for Crystal Chipper, who shot to stardom during a stint in H-town way back when. Now, years later, Crystal’s outta rehab and swearing up and down to myriad media outlets that she’s recovered from that par-tick nasty drug addiction. Too bad she replaced it with another. 'Cause at a recent late-night Hell-Ay party, C.C. was seen inhaling lines of blow like my cat Butch sniffs out his sister Cleo’s bum. Hey, C., you can’t claim “clean and sober” unless you’re off all substances...not just the one you went to rehab for, or didn’t your stylists (both for life and couture) tell you that?

With ears far more perked to what her peeps tell her to do would be Bore-Tense Breathy, costar of that teen-angst series From Here to the Fraternity. See, unbeknownst to her increasingly sizable (hardly impressionable) young fans, Bore-Tense prefers to keep her cooing voice, kisses and cuddles aimed toward other femmes, hardly the boys. At least, behind the camera. And Ms. Breathy’s been getting pretty ballsy, too, ‘bout makin’ it plain she doesn’t like the dude dance, as B.T.B.’s been bringing her g-f to pro events. This unusually upfront approach—well, not perhaps, for dames like Ellen and Portia—has sent Breathy’s agents and management team reeling. Consequently, they demanded Bore-babe break up with her intended. And guess what? She did. Now, Bore-Tense dates boys, ain’t it grand? Predictably pathetic is more like it. (Of course, Anne Heche wouldn’t agree.) It ain't:Crystal Chipper = Jodie Sweetin aka Methanie Tanner from Full House. Second guess is MK Olsen but the 'recovered from that par-tick nasty drug addiction" unless drug addiction is code for "eating disorder."

Bore-Tense Breathy = ??? Can someone help me out here? I don't watch teen angst-ish stuff much.


OldWiseOne said...

How about Fergie for the first one, since she has been very public about her previous meth addiction and her current sobriety? My problem with the Sweetin guess is that I don't think she would have a stylist.

Maybe Lauren Graham for the second one? I don't watch the teen-angsty stuff either, but the f*&%in Gilmore Girls seems to be on everywhere when I channel surf.

xine said...

Very good oldwiseone. I always have a hard time thinking of Fergie as a child star. Alas, she was one. Particularly one that was addicted to meth. She and Jodie Sweetin should form a club.

About guess two - maybe. I swear I am just not qualified for this one. I can hardly believe Gilmore Girls is still on the TV.

Anonymous said...

I think that it's Ho-han for the first one because they used the initials CC and Linds has initials that are the same..LL.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking Drew Barrymore for the first one.

Anonymous said...

Breathy being Jessica Biel?