One Prime-Time Pissy Blind Vice

Trust, doll-pusses, just because Star Jones-Reynolds left network TV doesn't mean the once impeccably peopled, more polished outlets are without chest-stabbing, chutzpah-powered pricks who need to trim their nose hairs. I mean, these places have gotten downright pedestrian, cable-esque 'n' catty!

Take Teri-Fairy Terrible, for ince. T.F.T., of majorly questionable sexuality, has been around. In so many ways. And, at first, Teri-sweetie was, indeed, working for a cable outfit. That was before the only medium good-looking (at best) personality figured out how to sleep with powerful playahs to get ahead—despite having a long-suffering spouse at home. And isn't it interesting that as the higher Teri-Fairy's media star seemed to rise, so, too, did Terrible's really terrible state of affairs at home?

Teri's social graces, too, seem to have gone the way of the teleprompter-reader's once happy picket-fence scene. "You're so talented," Teri most insincerely oozed to a fellow (and also successful) boob-tube performer at a recent gathering of Terrible's media colleagues. The coworker knew some sort of dig was coming, and, sure enough, it predictably did, just as he was excusing himself from the Fairy-schmuck's vicinity."It's a shame to see your competition eating you for lunch," T.F.T. got in, just in the knick of socially unacceptable time. Ah, any wonder why Teri has no friends—not to mention, any fam—left? Will that cushy gig be next? Karma's a bitch! It ain't: It could be: I'm not really up-to-date with my newscaster scandals but I do know that Paula Zahn was just busted for cheating on her hubby (of 20 years). I don't think she's of questionable sexuality though. We could always go with Anderson Cooper but his mom is a Vanderbilt so I don't really think he has to sleep his way to the top and there's no spouse at home (that we know of). I just like to take every possible opportunity I can to mention my silver haired lust man. Maybe it's Hasselbush. Someone want to help me out here? We're looking for a maybe-gay, mediocre-looking media personality with a cushy job, a slutty disposition, a failing marriage and a decrease in popularity.