Fake-Paris Hilton Infection: Day 2

Fake Paris Hilton aka Natalie Reid aka world's #1 Paris Hilton impersonator aka former call girl/Scores stripper aka my new obsession has a Friendster profile and...apparently no Friendster friends. How sad.
She wants Friends. Let's face it...nobody wants to be friends with the REAL Paris Hilton less than some Canadian hooker who runs around NY Fashion Week sadly pretending to be her.

I now present to you Fake Paris' very first nipple slip:Yes, somehow this dumb bitch managed to weasel her way into Versace with bodyguards and all....except it looks like she scraped together her entourage from a list of fat, registered sex offenders.

And just so you know, Fake Paris Hilton has issues too. She's a real girl with real problems...and REALLY bad sentence structure, grammar, punctuation and SPELLING skills (misspelled words highlighted and some comments I made in pink). Yep, she's just about as much of an idiot as real Paris. Here are some excerpts from her Friendster blog:

Today; is a rainy, gloomy, dramatic day; I have felt at odds with myself, all day...and usally the rain brings out some king of inner excitment; that can be childish at times, but it makes me feel good to be able to open up to that side, and other times I feel sexy, sometimes they coolide with eachother, and I walk like I am on a high, which no one can break, or seep through...

I took a spinning class, and this good-looking guy that has been after me for a while (checking me out, sometimes says hi.), I find him always approaching the ugly women, and I am thinking if he wants me, he can come get me! I have to be persued, because I am never interested in persuing. We took a spinning class together, and I was having trouble getting into it, I kept looking over at him, and was concerned that I looked beautiful...so My workout was half of what it usally is...and it isn't totally because of him, or maybe it is...but usally if I see a guy that I think might be hot, I find myself competing with him, and trying to have the better technique, or if I find a professional cyclist in my class I am at competion with them the whole class; stealing their techniques, and watching them the whole time.

I feel fat, because I am having issues with my food intake...I eat like their is a potential for obesity...and am always in the moment, feeling giulty after wards; it is like food has substituted drugs, and I feel so desparate for it; like I am still hungry, when in fact my stomach has had enough, it is never enough though...

And then their is love; I feel so empty without it; but I haven't had it for such a long time, like I have been without my family for years, and without a boyfriend to love me for almost 2 yrs...sometimes I am unaccustomed to living without a feeling of having people to care for me, and others; it is like I have a wound that normally has a band-aid on, but has somehow split open, and the wound is completly raw; volnerable to disease, and infection...

Eating...what's up? Ok, so naturally I am thin, and have a high metabolism, but the way that I eat, it is shocking that I am not obese. The thing is; that I have trouble with balance, and if I buy a box of 6 icecream sandwiches I will eat them all the first night, without even having a craving, and already being full. One minute I am obsessed with my calories, the next I can't stop eating. I will drink as much caffein as possible, to feel a speedy high, and also to become more obsessive about food; that I will control my intake...I have lost 25 pounds in one week; at one point in my life, when I was going through emotional trauma with an ex-boyfriend...I can't get over the fact that I lost that much weight, and am stuck on being that skinny all over again; but obviously not, otherwise I wouldn't be going through these binges. So when I had that boyfriend I used to cook alot, and we would also eat out alot; I would eat so much, that I would go to the washroom to puke it all up, going back to the table with watery eyes. I did this on and off for about 6 months. Now that I am not bulimic, or anorexic, I am binging...like tomorrow I might starve myself, but now in the moment I am in a need of overeating...

The best is her really long entry titled "The Big O" about the endless people she sees MASTURBATING in public including an "ugly, fat, girl, about the age of 12" masturbating in front of her at the gym.

So today I was at my gym on the Upper East Side, which is suppose to refreshing, and relaxing for me, and I am in the steam room, and the most disturbing thing happened...This ugly, fat, girl, about the age of 12, gives me this sly look, so I give her this dirty look; like, "what are you looking at me like that for, little one?!" Then just as I am about to walk into the sauna I notice that she has her hands down her pants. I am thinking I can't believe this girl! What is she doing that for in front of everyone? I am standing right beside her, and I can see her hands moving back and forth in her pants...totally disturbed; I say "Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!! Hello!!!" She doesn't even look at me, and is at the point of moaning.... (insert about 10 more creepy stories she has about public masturbation) ... back to our story; so I tell the women that work in the change room what the girl is doing, and that I am no prude or nothing (classic), but there is a time and place for this sort of thing...this little girls pervertedness is ruining my relaxation...so they find her mother, who is in the shower, and tell her...the mother is calling the little girls name, while she is oblivious, and keeps at it...her mother goes about drying off, and seems like this is a normal thing, and could are less...then the girl proceeds to smell her fingers...Well I am jaded, and tainted, and after all of these other experiences, just when I thought that nothing could shock me anymore from this city...

She is a true literary genius I tell ya!