Monday, June 26, 2006

Paris’ lobotomy causes her to leave half of her accessory at home (again)

It looks as if Paris has unveiled the ass-wipe glove in black. I bet Lindsay Lohan is running around with the bottom half of this monstrosity (a fingerless glove) thinking she’s cool too. Maybe I don’t give Karl Lagerfeld enough credit—he’s probably sitting back laughing his ass off at how stupid they all look. Wait, he wears stupid gloves too. Well jokes on them because this is so stupid Michael Jackson didn't even do it. It's like the caption for this would be: "Ooops, I just realized I forgot the other half of my glove. Nicki, what the fuck did you do with the other half of my glove?""Ok. That's definitely half of a glove. Now what?"(to self: "Self, maybe if like, I just like stand here and try to like be sexy and wrap half of my hand around the door they won't notice that like half of my glove is missing and the world will love me (giggles)." Then in a moment of sheer embarrassment she tries to strike a sexy pose but ends up looking like an uncoordinated fool as usual.Please tell me she doesn't have these in red. Or yellow. Or any other color. I sadly expect this to be at the local cheap-ass whore store in the mall soon. Aside from wiping your ass, the only other thing the glove MIGHT be good for is protecting others from Paris' nastiness. What does she do? She touches her friend (who is dressed in a nightgown) with the non-protected fingers...possibly proving my theory that she does wear the half glove to wipe her ass. She still looks like an ass-wipe.


I somehow failed to get my hands on the whole picture "Ooops, I just realized I forgot the other half of my glove. Nicki, what the fuck did you do with the other half of my glove?" picture so I'm going to amend this post. Will you please take a look at this:

Whoa. Apparently Paris' friend criteria includes: must be able to wear nightgown to dance club, must have wonky eyes and must have a less symmetrical face than Paris. Paris would prefer if friend didn't speak English...or any other language. Paris would prefer if friend didn't speak.

Oh, and I guess those handless gloves do come in a pair.


hellocolleenie said...

the gloves are fug, but i like that red dress w/the cutie belt!!!

adrienne said...

umm, is her friend whitney from the wonder years?

parissucksliterally said...

No....she is Caroline D'Amore...can you believe this chick MODELS? I think she is so fucking ugly- I guess all you need to model now is a rich Daddy.

I guess Paris hasn't fucked Caroline's boyfriend yet-she's the only friend Paris has left.

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