Or Perhaps You'd Like This Woman To Be Your Mom

Holly Schnobrich
Age: 24
Claim to fame: Let 5 year old drive
Net Worth: Judging from the story, white trash territory
Baby Daddy: unknown
Parenting Skills:

• Allowed 5 year old son drive because she was too intoxicated
• Abuses prescription medication including percocet and sleeping pills
• 3 year old was also in the car, crawling around in the backseat
• Neither child was in a safety seat
• When approached a bystander asked Ma'am, are you OK? Do you need some help? Is this your toddler?' She replied, 'Yes, but he's a good driver.'"
• Already pleaded guilty to an unrelated charge of operating a vehicle while intoxicated.
• Charged with felony neglect and public intoxication
• Son said he had a hard time driving because his legs were too short to reach the pedals
• Children were placed into custody of Child Protective Services

Denial Denial, I Love You Denial....

For most people, two trips to rehab, a car accident and two incidences involving cocaine found in your property in less than a year would likely be rock bottom. Apparently for Lindsay Lohan, it isn't. After yesterday's DUI her lawyer fired off this statement:

"Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care."

Now here's Lindsay's statement to Access Hollywood's Billy Bush:

"Yes. I am innocent... did not do drugs they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."

Would you like an extra side order of denial to go with your already extra-denialy denial casserole? It's only an additional 50 cents. Lindsay and her lawyer can't even get their stories straight. Lawyer says Lindsay is an addict. Lindsay says she doesn't do drugs and the drugs aren't hers. She was framed. The drugs weren't hers, she's innocent and now she's going to dedicate her life to finding the REAL owner of the drugs. And let me guess, a ghost entered her body and made her fail the field sobriety test. It was someone else's alcohol in your system too, right. It sucks that she was so coked up and drunk that she forgot about the coke in her pocket and failed to swallow it on the way to the police station. She even sucks at being a crackhead. Since she couldn't go on the Tonight Show they brought in the next best thing - Rob Schneider in drag as Lindsay Lohan.

It's Not Deja Vu!

Lindsay Lohan was busted for DUI again after she was involved in some weird, late-night car chase with an Escalade. Police also found drugs on her...again. There are conflicting reports as to what the white powdery substance really is - opiates or cocaine. Judging by the mug shot pupils my money is on cocaine.

Lindsay had been wearing a non-court ordered alcohol monitoring bracelet which was obviously for attention because really, how is an alcohol monitoring anklet useful if it's not backed up by a court order? It’s missing the element of consequence. Completely. All she had to do was NOT drive. It’s that simple. Bitch belongs on VH1’s Rock of Love:

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Kids These Days...

Dino and I often scan crazy news stories to find the best "YOUR 15 MINUTES." While some stories are strange (like chinese acrobats who were being held as slaves), they just shouldn't be entertainment. Then there are stories that shouldn't be entertaining but are...like this one:

Police who chased a car for miles along a highway at speeds up to 100 mph said the driver was drunk, hardly a rarity in this resort town. But there was more: When they looked inside the flipped vehicle with guns drawn, they found an 11-year-old girl at the wheel. "You go up there thinking it's a felon you're dealing with," assistant police Chief Greg Duck said. The girl, who was slightly injured in the crash, is now charged with driving under the influence of alcohol, speeding, reckless endangerment and leaving the scene of an accident. Duck said she sideswiped another vehicle during the roughly 8-mile chase. The chase began around 10:30 p.m. Tuesday when a patrol officer near the Florida line saw the car speeding west along a beach highway, Duck said. When the officer flicked on his lights, the driver sped up. The girl rolled the car just inside the Gulf Shores city limit. Duck said the girl, whose name was not released because of her age, told police she was on her way to pick up her sister at a concert. Investigators found no alcohol in the car but believe the girl drank before getting behind the wheel of the car, which belongs to relatives. Duck declined to release the girl's blood alcohol level but said a blood test at the hospital showed it was higher than .02, the legal limit for minors. [source]

Damn girl!!! She is going to be a fun one when she gets to college. IF she gets to college. See parents, this is what happens when your young daughters idolize people like Paris Hilton.

Paris Hilton, Meet Accountability

A judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail Friday for violating her probation, putting the brakes on the hotel heiress's famous high life. Hilton, who parlayed her name and relentless partying into worldwide notoriety, must go to jail on June 5 and she will not be allowed any work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or any electronic monitoring in lieu of jail, Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer ruled after a hearing.The judge ruled that she was in violation of the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case."I'm very sorry, and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry, and I did not do it on purpose at all," she told the judge before he announced the sentence. She was then ordered to report to a women's jail in suburban Lynwood on the set date or face 90 days behind bars. As a city prosecutor said during closing arguments that Hilton deserved jail time, Hilton's mother, Kathy, laughed. When the judge ruled, Kathy Hilton then blurted out: "May I have your autograph?"

Paris Hilton was among a series of witnesses who took the stand during the hearing. She maintained she was unaware her license was suspended and thought she was allowed to drive for work purposes. She said that when an officer who stopped her in January made her sign a document stating her license was suspended, she thought he was mistaken and did not actually look at the document. Hilton arrived at the courthouse 10 minutes after the scheduled 1:30 p.m. start time of the hearing. The heiress arrived in the back of a black Cadillac Escalade and swept into the Metropolitan Courthouse with several men in suits, ignoring screams of photographers lining the route into a rear entrance. In addition to her mother, her father, Rick, also came with her. Wearing a gray jacket and white shirt over black slacks and with a black headband on, she said nothing and appeared serious.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: 15 Drunken Minutes on a Thursday Night

A man stole a Rent-A-Center truck from the rear of the Main Street store after drinking a half-gallon of whiskey and about six beers Thursday evening, police said. Carmen C., 34, drove the truck from a parking lot behind the building, down East Fourth Street, where he struck three cars, and then over the East Bridge, police said. Three police cruisers surrounded the truck near the Bunge's Meat Market and pulled Carmen from the driver's cab, according to charges. Under questioning, Carmen said he had a fight with his girlfriend recently and wanted to go see her, according to authorities. After drinking the whiskey and beer, he was walking in the parking lot behind Rent-A-Center when he saw the truck running and decided to take it, he told police. In a rambling statement to a reporter before his arraignment late last night, Carmen said he had a gun pointed at him by a black man who forced him to drive the truck. Later, he said he hadn't been driving the truck at all. During his arraignment, Carmen interrupted the Judge to deny again that he had been driving the truck. He also interrupted her to tell her the officers had torn his "muscle shirt."

Woo-eeeeeeeee. A half gallon of whiskey, a six pack of beer, a ripped wife beater, a stolen Rent-A-Center truck and a few hit n' runs on a Thursday. I bet he puts my Cinco de Mayo/Kentucky Derby/Mayweather-De La Hoya fight party to shame.

DUI Wait List: Busta Rhymes

We've got another celebrity being put onto the DUI wait list! Busta Rhymes was arrested early this morning in NYC on suspicion of DUI. Busta wasn't pulled over for suspicion of driving under the influence. He was pulled over because his SUV's windows were tinted too much. When the cops came face to face with Busta they smelled the booze and issued a sobriety test which he did not pass.

Busta has not been arraigned yet. He's in due in court next week on two assault charges. Join the long line of celebrities facing DUI charges, pal.

[source]