Duck Tales

I know I compared Jenna Jameson to Daisy Duck in a previous post but I really have to revisit the issue. While Jenna is falling on the skinnier side of the spectrum, she's not hideously skinny. In fact, I think she might've gained a few....ounces. Now I believe she's trying to blow a kiss in this picture but it appears to just not be working for her. Which is a shame, really, because she's a porn star and that's pretty much a huge part of the job.

I Feel Old

The other day I ran across this boy on myspace - I used to babysit him when he was like 7. He's graduated, smokes weed, has a girlfriend and dropped out of college. I immeditately called my spa to find out how much it would be to have my forehead botoxed. $240. Not bad. This morning I saw this recent picture of Pee Wee Herman (right). He needs to retire Pee Wee because he's looking like the Playhouse is about to become a Retirement Home. Insert really annoying laugh here. Ok, time to go back to my personal crisis.

Then vs. Now

Questionable Quotes: That Giant Thing With Her Face

Holly and Hef are sooooo in love. It was love at first sight. Well, not really according to a new (rather scathing) article in Elle Magazine:Hefner alludes in passing to the fact that Holly, who wasn't his instant type the way Kendra was, set her sights on him rather than the reverse: "She found me and she loved me." He goes on to explain that she doesn't look the same as when he first met her, that she "became beautiful," helped by "a little thing she had done to her nose."

You don't say. She has to be pissed...I bet pillows and silk pajamas (and maybe a fist) were flying at the mansion. I think he was being nice. I would've said "she became better looking after Ty Pennington and his Extreme Team came in and remodeled her whole face." Great, now I have a Backstreet Boys song stuck in my head. Anyway, according to PageSix, Hef praised the author of the article.

Couture du Jour: Fendi Is Not Sold At Wal-Mart, K?

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has acknowledged in a legal settlement that it sold fake Fendi handbags for as much as $525 each. Wal-Mart settled after Fendi, the high-end Italian fashion brand belonging to French luxury-goods titan LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton SA, alleged in a lawsuit last June that Wal-Mart's Sam's Club warehouse-club division sold millions of dollars worth of bogus bags and other merchandise under Fendi's label. Wal-Mart, based in Bentonville, Ark., is the world's largest retailer in terms of sales. According to a statement released by Fendi and Sam's Club, the Wal-Mart unit pledged in the settlement to provide refunds for any customers who bought fake merchandise. Sam's Club is also paying Fendi a confidential amount as part of the settlement. Sam's Club removed Fendi-labeled products from its stores last year amid the dispute. "We have programs in place to protect the intellectual property rights of others," Sam's Club Chief Executive Doug McMillon said. "However, during this litigation, Fendi provided us with information that the 12 types of bags and wallets specifically listed in its complaint were not genuine. We accept this information." Fendi CEO Michael Burke said in an interview that Wal-Mart was cooperative in addressing the problem of counterfeits being sold in its stores. "I'm very happy that we came to this result," he said. Sam's Club spokeswoman Susan Koehler declined to divulge details of Sam's Club's investigation into the matter. She said Sam's Club is "no longer doing business with the companies that provided us the goods." The squabble is among the latest of many between producers of exclusive fashion merchandise and the mass-merchant retailers striving to offer their customers such products. Last year, Coach Inc. withdrew a lawsuit alleging that Target Corp. sold counterfeit Coach purses. Target said it purchased the purses at a liquidation sale of a major department-store chain. Fendi filed the suit against Wal-Mart last June in U.S. District Court in Manhattan. According to the complaint, which was seen by The Wall Street Journal, a Sam's Club in Torrance, Calif., was selling a black handbag for $525, compared with $900 for the genuine Fendi product. [source]For the last time people, if you really really really want a real bag go to the real store. Don't try to get a Fendi at your wholesale club. Real designer bags are not sold on the street, they do not "fall off trucks," they are not sold for superlow prices, they do not smell like plastic, they do not come wrapped in plastic, they are not made in China, they are not shipped from China... If you don't live next door to a Dior boutique, you can check out your local Saks or Neiman Marcus. If you live in the middle of nowhere and still find it necessary to carry a Fendi bag, you can buy designer bags online from Saks or Neiman Marcus website. Two other great websites for REAL designer bags are www.eluxury.com or my second favorite designer website in the world (I'm not sharing my first) www.net-a-porter.com I would stay away from smaller, developing discount websites such as Bluefly and Overstock as the quality control levels are not always up to par.

Celebrity Clone: You Pick the Clone Edition

Jenna Jameson looks like:
a. cracked out daisy duck
b. a plastic duck with a black hat
c. a clown with a black hat I spent all day working on this graphic

Questionable Quotes/Celebrity Clone: Hogan Knows Worst Edition

Remember Donna Hogan, Anna Nicole's less-fortunate-looking half-sister? The one who wrote the scathing book about Anna Nicole only after she couldn't come back from the grave to kick her ass on Jerry Springer. Well, according to PageSix, people are still listening to Donna and this time she's talking about how she wants to become the next Anna Nicole:"A few years ago, Playboy approached me and I almost agreed to do it. But I was too chicken. My boobs weren't big enough," Hogan says. "But now, if Playboy called, I would probably do it. I just had a birthday and I'm going to treat myself to new boobs. I just want to get my body to where I want it and I'll be ready to step in and do it . . . You'll definitely see a transformation in the next year."

PageSix, like myself, thinks Donna might be overestimating her sex appeal. If she's going to become the next someone - I'd say it's more along the lines of Hulk or Linda Hogan. Are you sure the Hogans aren't all half-siblings? Ok seriously, this is a woman who wrote a whole book based on how her horrible, rich sister never helped her financially while she had to live in a shelter to protect her three kids. Now she runs a gift basket company and can treat herself to boobs for her birthday. Come on, lady. Send your kids to college with the money so they don't have to sell their sister's life story for boobs too.

Celebrity Skin: Courtney Love

You can suck the fat out but the crack is obviously permanent.

Drastic Plastic: Not In A Good Way

Poor Dino. He sent me an email this morning telling me to "hold it down" for him today and I totally didn't do that. In fact, even with all of his meetings he held it way farther down than I usually do on a non-meeting day. Poor Heidi Montag, she's having an even more stressful time than Dino. I don't know much about her except that she's on some stupid show and just got the worst nosejob ever. Her after photos looks like befores. Nose: Boobs:woops. She has ToriSpelling-itis. All the surgery in the world can't fix it.

Celebrity Clone: Swimsuit Edition

Plastic surgery.I can't make up my mind: should they stick to 1 piece suits or am I too used to seeing airbrushed people?

Celebrity Clone: Why? Just Why?

Joss Stone and Jocelyn Wildenstein have similar names and originally hail from Europe but lately the similarities don't end there...

Celebrity Clone: Porn Spice

Why can't Jenna Jameson just be happy with being Jenna Jameson? I mean she is the most recognizable name in porn. Even though porn isn't the most self-esteem enhancing industry, that has to count for something. Jenna also used to be the most recognizable face too but that all went down the plastic surgeon's drain. For a while, Jenna was looking mighty Duff-ish (as in Hilary) but she appears to have taken a turn for the Posh. Jenna Jameson: the porn world's Posh Spice. They should do a video together.

Drastic Plastic: OMG Becky, Look At Her Face

I mentioned this once before but I think we've reached an alarming new level: Jenna Jameson's fake EVERYTHING is turning her into the most desperate housewife of the 'real' ones from the OC, Lauri Waring. Does anyone watch that show? Can you back me up here? Lauri's close-ups from that trip to Europe with her new sugardaddy are frightening - Wildenstein territory minus the x-treme cat accents. Not too long ago, Jenna Jameson broke up with her husband Jay Grdina. In their divorce settlement, he walked away with her face and she kept a vowel from his last name. FASHION ALERT: Jenna showed up at some Oscar party (with her x-treme fighter boyfriend Tito) dressed for the SAG Awards. Look!!! Her boob his head's long, lost twin. I'm sorry. I'm done now.