YOUR 15 MINUTES: The Mayor or Jesus

There must be some crazy drugs going around in Rosemont, Illinois because the town is starting to hallucinate. Some say they see the dead mayor’s face in a tree…others say it’s Jesus. The mysterious bark apparition was noticed less than two months after the town’s mayor died. Donald Stephens was mayor for almost 50 years. The tree, outside a health club, was twice slated to be torn down. It was saved each time because Stephens intervened. YAY! Now, it is guarded by a barricade, and a single candle placed by well-wishers stands nearby.I think it looks like Orville Redenbacher or maybe Charles Manson..or perhaps BARK. [source]

Couture du Jour: Fendi Is Not Sold At Wal-Mart, K?

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. has acknowledged in a legal settlement that it sold fake Fendi handbags for as much as $525 each. Wal-Mart settled after Fendi, the high-end Italian fashion brand belonging to French luxury-goods titan LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton SA, alleged in a lawsuit last June that Wal-Mart's Sam's Club warehouse-club division sold millions of dollars worth of bogus bags and other merchandise under Fendi's label. Wal-Mart, based in Bentonville, Ark., is the world's largest retailer in terms of sales. According to a statement released by Fendi and Sam's Club, the Wal-Mart unit pledged in the settlement to provide refunds for any customers who bought fake merchandise. Sam's Club is also paying Fendi a confidential amount as part of the settlement. Sam's Club removed Fendi-labeled products from its stores last year amid the dispute. "We have programs in place to protect the intellectual property rights of others," Sam's Club Chief Executive Doug McMillon said. "However, during this litigation, Fendi provided us with information that the 12 types of bags and wallets specifically listed in its complaint were not genuine. We accept this information." Fendi CEO Michael Burke said in an interview that Wal-Mart was cooperative in addressing the problem of counterfeits being sold in its stores. "I'm very happy that we came to this result," he said. Sam's Club spokeswoman Susan Koehler declined to divulge details of Sam's Club's investigation into the matter. She said Sam's Club is "no longer doing business with the companies that provided us the goods." The squabble is among the latest of many between producers of exclusive fashion merchandise and the mass-merchant retailers striving to offer their customers such products. Last year, Coach Inc. withdrew a lawsuit alleging that Target Corp. sold counterfeit Coach purses. Target said it purchased the purses at a liquidation sale of a major department-store chain. Fendi filed the suit against Wal-Mart last June in U.S. District Court in Manhattan. According to the complaint, which was seen by The Wall Street Journal, a Sam's Club in Torrance, Calif., was selling a black handbag for $525, compared with $900 for the genuine Fendi product. [source]For the last time people, if you really really really want a real bag go to the real store. Don't try to get a Fendi at your wholesale club. Real designer bags are not sold on the street, they do not "fall off trucks," they are not sold for superlow prices, they do not smell like plastic, they do not come wrapped in plastic, they are not made in China, they are not shipped from China... If you don't live next door to a Dior boutique, you can check out your local Saks or Neiman Marcus. If you live in the middle of nowhere and still find it necessary to carry a Fendi bag, you can buy designer bags online from Saks or Neiman Marcus website. Two other great websites for REAL designer bags are www.eluxury.com or my second favorite designer website in the world (I'm not sharing my first) www.net-a-porter.com I would stay away from smaller, developing discount websites such as Bluefly and Overstock as the quality control levels are not always up to par.

Birthday ALARM

Musician Prince is 49.

Singer Tom Jones is 67.
Actor Ken Osmond (Eddie Haskell on Leave It To Beaver) is 64.
Talk show host Jenny Jones is 61.
Actor Liam Neeson is 55.
Record producer L.A. Reid is 51.
Guitarist Dave Navarro is 40.
Actress Larisa Oleynik (Boy Meets World) is 26.
Actor Michael Cera (Arrested Development) is 19.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1982, Priscilla Presley opened Graceland to the public; the bathroom where Elvis Presley died five years earlier is kept off-limits.

Best DAMN Picture EVER

Oh man, genius, pure genius!

[source]

Questionable Quotes: JORDAN

"Women who've had kids will know what I'm talking about, sometimes you're not as tight down there as you'd like afterwards. Sometimes if you cough or sneeze a bit of wee comes out! I just have to cross my legs and hope it doesn't trickle down my leg."

[source]

Couture du Jour: Dress Code

I had a little dress code incident at work yesterday. Nothing huge...just a little difference of opinion about what's appropriate for summer. I think tailored bermuda shorts with a suit jacket or these nifty little tailored denim pants are appropriate. The "dress code" lady doesn't. I showed up to the office wearing these (pictured below) and there was a little falling out: Just kidding but you know that somewhere in 2002 Christina Aguilera is jealous she didn't think of this. Poor Brooke.

Birthday ALARM

Actor Paul Giamatti is 40.

Playwright-actor Harvey Fierstein is 53.
Actress-comedian Sandra Bernhard is 52.
Actress Amanda Pays is 48.
Record producer Jimmy Jam is 48.
Comedian Colin Quinn is 48.
Actor Max Casella is 40.
Guitarist James "Munky" Shaffer of Korn is 37.
Singer Uncle Kracker is 33.
Actress Staci Keanan ("Step by Step") is 32.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1969, the first Internet connection was created when network control protocol packets were sent from the data port of one IMP to another.

Couture du Jour: Wal-Mart Not So Much

Mary Kate and Ashley are moving from the Wal-Mart girls' clothing section to Neiman Marcus with their latest fashion collection "Elizabeth and James" (named after their siblings). It will be based on their own vintage clothes, naturally. They also have a "couture" line called "The Row" but I'm not even sure if that's in stores. Or maybe "The Row" turned into "Elizabeth and James." Who knows. Whatever the case, I think they're incredibly adorable (especially in the picture above) and I'd probably buy a dress or two - from the Neiman Marcus line, not the children's line at Wal-Mart. That would just be silly.

QUOTE IT!

Cottage cheese with those buns?

Tragedy Squared = Romance?

The father of murdered child beauty queen, JonBenet Ramsey, and the mother of missing teen, Natalee Holloway, now appear to share something beyond their tragic circumstances – each other. Ew.

After reportedly having met at a fundraiser in Colorado last December, John Ramsey, 63, and Beth Holloway Twitty, 46, are "friends," his attorney, Lin Wood, confirms to New York's Daily News. It's already gross that they're dating under the circumstances, but he's like WAY old. AND, his wife died like one year ago almost exactly AND Beth and John have been together since like January.

"They share common interests and concerns related to their children, particularly with respect to the actions of law enforcement and the media in response to those tragic losses," according to Wood. But it also appears they may be more than just friends. Though Ramsey lives in Michigan and Twitty in Mountain Brook, Ala., the two have been seen holding hands and kissing in her hometown.

[source]

Blind Vices with Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan deciding to drive her car into a curb and take a trip to rehab mysteriously directly correlates to my level of boredom. In the spirit of this enigma, I decided to entertain myself by digging up some old blind vices about Morgan Mayhem aka Lindsay Lohan. Really, after Linday's current events, these stories are more like 20/20 vision vices. Enjoy:

We all know bod goons are paid to protect the overly watched frames of the celebs who employ them. Most times, these bossy gorillas are très busy trying to keep pesky paps away or simply shooing starstruck autograph seekers. Occasionally, these walking barricades even help carry celebs' purses or pups. Too cute! Not this, though: The security staff utilized by one Morgan Mayhem (a repeat offender in the naughty narrative known as the Blind Vice archive) is far more, uh, hands-on. See, Morg's men protect way more than her bitchin' bod. They also keep more than a hawklike eye on her damn drug stash. Picture it: a swanky Hollywood hotel, known for its crazy parties and late-night flings. A very nearly has-been actor is escorting two lovely ladies to a friend's room upstairs. Said gray-haired type accidentally happens into the wrong suite at a very inopportune time. Morgan is alone in the room, 'cept for her coke stash and bodyguards. And one particularly helpful guard is choppin' up lines for Miz M. Now, that's stellar service! And even though M2 was gettin' blown all alone, she ain't happy about the company. Has-been actor offers a hello. "Who are they?" demands M., who's known to hate pretty gals who dare get anywhere near her sleep-deprived vicinity. "This is my room, and my coke!" bitches Morgan. "Get out." Geez, Morg. Didn't anyone teach you to share? And heaven knows it wouldn't hurt you (or your nose) to cut back.

Once upon a time, there was a talented young lass by the name of Morgan Mayhem. Oh, could she act! She was such a good performer that bitchy rivals simmered with green-eyed jealousy. But one day, a big bad she-wolf in Kitson duds named Coco Cocaine came along. She seduced Morgan with her overly vibrant, come-hither eyes--prettier than Wentworth Miller's, even--and then, suddenly, the big fat studio pigs were very, very sad. Okay, hold on. This is Hell-Ay; the pigs aren't heartbroken exactly. They're just plain disgusted and scared for their precious beaucoup-bucks accounts. Darlings, Ms. Mayhem has become the hottest li'l liability in Tinseltown. "Studios were all but in love with her," blabs one über-connected Armani clad producer. "But she's so unstable that everyone's becoming afraid to hire her. Her behavior on the set of Jump, Jive and High Five! is still talked about. She was beyond "distracted," for myriad reasons. At this point, Armani wearer makes air quotes with his hands and rolls his eyes, sucking back the rest of an overpriced designer something or other. "And we all know what that means." Oy, oy, boy. I wish there were something I could do to help ol' Morgan out. The problem is that she's about as solid and reliable as a sponge. Stick her with serious, stable, Oscar-hoarding types, and she'll transform into a Jodie Foster. But plop this babe in a Bel-Air frat-house crowd and, well, she'll be first in line for body shots. The solution is obvious. Ya stick the sponge in the desert and let it dry out. 'Course, first, you'd have to convince her to go. Not an easy task.

Morgan Mayhem, consider yourself warned! Gal-friend, those unpredictable ways have gotten you into trouble in myriad areas of your life, but now it seems your social-butterfly status is in serious jeopardy, too. Hid-eee-us, I know. See, there's this über-exclusive boîte of fabulousness here in Tinseltown that certain celebs consider their personal playground. The door at said joint is tighter than Nicole Kidman's forehead and has turned away highly celebrated, professional partiers without batting a stoic eye. But not Morg, of course. She's nevah had a problem getting into exclusive places. Also, there's always packs of paps following Morg who are bound to snap her leaving such swanky locales. So, owners are usually happy to have M2 hangin' out. But the owner of the former spot ain't so thrilled anymore. First off, he's already received wrist slaps and warnings from police for allowing other questionable antics to go down, as it were, at his establishment (which really should look a bit more fab considering the loot this guy poured into it). And secondly, Morg's not just hittin' the snowy slopes anymore. She's got a newer, dirtier drug of choice. And it's becoming painfully obvious. "She's behaving like a monster," says one of my super-inside (and relatively sober) sources. Not only does M.M. pick fights with other patrons, sashay out of stalls with her sniffer covered in powder and even pass out in them, now she's takin' to doin' the girl-on-girl thang not so discreetly in these dark hangs! Love the last sin, which, natch, ain't, but I'll just go along with my republican detractors for a sec and pretend like is it, 'kay? Oh, girl, for gawd's sake, get it together! Your career, sex appeal and hetero status (big whoop!) are going down the toilet as we type.

Birthday ALARM

Actor Chad Allen ("Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman") is 33.

Guitarist Fred Stone of Sly and the Family Stone is 61.
Saxophonist Kenny G is 51.
Actor Ron Livingston ("The Practice") is 40.
Singer Brian McKnight is 38.
Musician Claus Norreen (Aqua) is 37.
Actor-singer Mark Wahlberg is 36.
Bassist P-nut of 311 is 33. Actress Navi Rawat ("Numb3rs") is 30.
Actress Liza Weil ("Gilmore Girls") is 30.
Bassist Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy is 28.
Guitarist Seb Lefebvre of Simple Plan is 26.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1956, Elvis Presley introduced his new single, "Hound Dog", on The Milton Berle Show, scandalizing the audience with his suggestive hip movements.

Running With Knives

News of the World acquired some pictures of Lindsay Lohan and a “friend” playing with knives and we’re apparently supposed to be shocked and scared. They forgot to mention that “friend” is probably Vanessa Minnillo and if anything, I’m a little turned on. A few shots of Vanessa out earlier that night in the same outfit. Getting sexy with girls must run in the Miss Teen USA family!

***UPDATE*** It's confirmed - on her free time, Vanessa likes to play with knives with Lindsay Lohan

The Return of The R-E-D!

I know I haven't posted in, oh 18 gabillion days, but shoot I'm in VT, (insert obvious joke), I have been tipping cows, fornicating with family members, and to top it off they use dial up in these Northern parts....so here we go.

As you know we rarely post anything about sports, mainly cause we don't really care, but this one gave me a laugh being the Beantowner that I was/am....Alleged adulterer Alex Rodriguez was greeted by a sea of blond-haired masks at Fenway Park this past weekend. The New York Yankee caused many headlines when his relationship with a skank ass blonde made the cover of the New York Post and the NY Daily News.

The Yankees beat the Red Sox two games to one in their weekend series, but it seems like us Sox fans got the last laugh. Yankeesss SUCK! Tee hee...

[source]

YOUR YouTube FIX: They're all laughing AT you

Celebrity Clone: You Pick the Clone Edition

Jenna Jameson looks like:
a. cracked out daisy duck
b. a plastic duck with a black hat
c. a clown with a black hat I spent all day working on this graphic

Anorexia Chronicles: It's Called Bloat

I hate to say it but Nicole Richie needs a Playtex 18Hr Gel Comfort Underwire bra and some support hose. I've never seen something so small look so saggy - under the age of 78.

PS.
Dear National Enquirer,
You have to be completely retarded (and I never use that word) to think that Nicole Richie is pregnant in that picture. She's obviously bloated from malnutrition. I doubt she's even had a period in the past 3.8 years. I bet an obese man wrote that headline. For more accurate stores, I recommend you fire him and hire a skinny woman. A really skinny woman who knows all about anorexia, drug abuse and cheating. Seriously.

Love,
xine

Return of Xine from LALA land

My one fan probably noticed I haven't been around for over a week-ish. Turns out I was on vacation in CA without my laptop and with plenty o' cocktail in my hand. It was quite the eventful Memorial Day weekend in LA. To warm me back up to this blogging deal, I've written some Friday haikus. They're borderline Rosie O'Donnell blog material so cut me some slack:

Vacation:
Went to the West Coast
Stayed in Santa Monica
Cocktails at the pool

Lindsay crashed:
Lindsay lost control
Mercedes crashed in a bush
Driven by cocaine

Nicole Richie only wants people under 100 pounds at her party. Scale at the door:
Anorexic girls
No triple digits allowed
Easier OD

Misha Barton OD'd at Anorexic Party:
Antibiotics
Do not take with alcohol
Mischa’s (lie) story

Come on down. You're totally not the next contestant on the Price is Right:
See the Price is Right
People camping in the line
Barker retires

Double haiku for Brandon "not so fat/greasy in person" Davis:
He’s called Fat Elvis
Not that greasy in person
Scrubbed it for Spago?

Grandma looks scary
They used to be billionaires
Eating with peons

Battle of the Wonky Eye

Not that I believe in exploiting people's flaws, but these two girls have a serious case of wonky eye.

Which case of lazy eye is worse? You be the judge.

Rehab is the new Black

You know this is some media bullshit that some PR person pieced together.

"Friend Says Lindsay Lohan Is 'Happy' in Rehab."

Bullshit. No one is happy in rehab. That's why you go to rehab, retard.

Now that I write the word rehab more and more, it's beginning to look less and less like a real word.

Anyhow, the article from People.com continues the charade by saying, "'She's happy where she is and is just taking time to herself to learn and be okay,' stylist friend Nate Newell told PEOPLE at Wednesday's Los Angeles opening of the flagship Diesel store on Melrose Place. "I've been in touch with her and she likes it." After a weekend of partying following her DUI citation, Lohan checked into Promises treatment center in Malibu on Memorial Day."

Nothing beats talking about your friend who's in rehab at the opening of the NEW DIESEL STORE!!! WHOO HOOO.

Newsflash, Nate Newell. Diesel clothes are no longer cool - trust me, I worked there - overexposure killed Diesel. Perhaps Lohan shares the same fate.

[source]