Battle of the Wonky Eye

Not that I believe in exploiting people's flaws, but these two girls have a serious case of wonky eye.

Which case of lazy eye is worse? You be the judge.

Rehab is the new Black

You know this is some media bullshit that some PR person pieced together.

"Friend Says Lindsay Lohan Is 'Happy' in Rehab."

Bullshit. No one is happy in rehab. That's why you go to rehab, retard.

Now that I write the word rehab more and more, it's beginning to look less and less like a real word.

Anyhow, the article from People.com continues the charade by saying, "'She's happy where she is and is just taking time to herself to learn and be okay,' stylist friend Nate Newell told PEOPLE at Wednesday's Los Angeles opening of the flagship Diesel store on Melrose Place. "I've been in touch with her and she likes it." After a weekend of partying following her DUI citation, Lohan checked into Promises treatment center in Malibu on Memorial Day."

Nothing beats talking about your friend who's in rehab at the opening of the NEW DIESEL STORE!!! WHOO HOOO.

Newsflash, Nate Newell. Diesel clothes are no longer cool - trust me, I worked there - overexposure killed Diesel. Perhaps Lohan shares the same fate.

[source]

YOUR YouTube FIX: Kathy Vs. The View

I miss Life on the D-List. Kathy Griffin is always trying to start shit.

Barbara Walters needs a swift kick to her lying teeth.

Birthday ALARM

Actor Colin Farrell is 31.

Actor-director Clint Eastwood is 77.
Actress Sharon Gless (Cagney and Lacey) is 64.
Actor Gregory Harrison is 57.
Actor Kyle Secor (Homicide: Life on the Street) is 47.
Actress Lea Thompson (Caroline in the City) is 46.
Rapper DMC of Run-DMC is 43.
Actress Brooke Shields is 42.
Drummer Andy Hurley of Fall Out Boy is 27.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1969, John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded Give Peace a Chance, the first single recorded by a solo Beatle, from their hotel bed.

Coolest Shirt Ever!

[source]

Birthday ALARM

Guitarist Tom Morello of Audioslave and Rage Against The Machine is 43.

Country fiddler Johnny Gimble is 81.
Actor Clint Walker (Cheyenne) is 80.
Actor Keir Dullea (2001: A Space Odyssey) is 71.
Actor Michael J. Pollard is 68.
Actor Colm Meaney (Star Trek: The Next Generation) is 54.
Actor Ted McGinley (Hope and Faith,Married...With Children) is 49.
Actor Ralph Carter (Good Times) is 46.
Country singer Wynonna is 43.
Guitarist Patrick Dahlheimer of Live is 36.
Singer Cee-Lo of Gnarls Barkley (and Goodie Mob) is 33.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1935, Babe Ruth played in his last baseball game, in the uniform of the Boston Braves.

Screw Pedro. Vote for Pam.

Forget the birds & the bees. How about having the, "Hey, kids, so a few years ago, daddy and I made a sex tape," talk? According .

Pam says she let her kids watch Borat — but beforehand had to explain about the infamous sex tape she’d made with their dad, Tommy Lee. (They mention the sex tape in the movie)

“They really wanted to see Borat and I finally had a breakdown and let them because all their friends had,” she told the London Sun. “I said, ‘There are a few things we have to talk about before you see Borat.’’ And they go: ‘We know about the magazines.’ So that was one gone!”

“Actually, I did tell them, I said: ‘You know, when your dad and I were first together we used to video tape everything. Everybody’s naked, hugging, kissing, all that good stuff and someone stole the tape. And I remember when we were watching the film and (her son) Dylan goes: ‘You mean everybody has seen this?’ And I said, ‘Yes.’”

I have to admit... if the Mother of the Year award was tied between Dina Lohan and Pam Anderson, I'd vote for Pam for the tiebreaker.

[source]

Lolita Blohan: A Tragedy

Don't be fooled by the red circles. The picture above does look a lot like Bjork's new album art, where she's dressed up in clown makeup. No friends, this is Lolita Blohan, and I'm simply highlighting all the signs that Ms. Blohan is riding the cocaine train...
1) The eyes. They're completely bloodshot and show signs of little sleep.
2) The red dot on her nose. I assume her nose is falling off due to extended cocaine use. It's burning a whole right on through. and
3) Her mouth. That subtle downward slant of the smile is a clear indication that she's flying high like Jimi Hendrix on a magic carpet ride.

After spending 30 days in rehab earlier in the year, Lolita emerged glowing, and although it was simply a really nice spray-tan, the public was convinced that this Hollywood Skanklet had cleaned up her act. On the contrary.

She's going back to rehab, and this time it's going to be different! You’re going to Promises! YAY! That's like totally where Britney went and look at her now!!

BTW, did you all catch the photos of Lolita falling and all passed out inside that car over the weekend? Classy gal.

Teletubies: Gay or Str8? That Is The Question.

So, there's this show, right? And, there are four characters, named, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po. Picture it. The landscape - rolling green hills and gigantic flowers. They speak baby-talk - Eh-oh (hello), Oh-oh (run away), Bye-bye (duh) and Big hug (let me touch you down there).

A few years ago, conservative Americans were confused by Tinky Winky's (the purple one) proclivity for purses and his relatively feminine-sounding voice, and as if that weren't enough, now the Polish government is investigating the Teletubbies over claims of homosexuality too!

The popular children's television show, and especially the character of Tinky Winky, has been accused of promoting gay propaganda by the Polish conservative government. I didn't realize there was a liberal Polish government, but I guess you learn something new everyday.

According to Reuters, Ewa Sowinska, government-appointed children rights watchdog, said she would ask psychologists to advise if the Teletubbies' camp antics could affect children.

She said: "I noticed [Tinky Winky] has a lady's purse, but I didn't realize he's a boy. At first I thought the purse would be a burden for this Teletubby. . . Later I learned that this may have a homosexual undertone."

Precisely, what does that mean?

Tinky Winky doesn't even have a wiener. How can he be gay?

Scuse me, Ms. Sowinska of the Polish goverment, don't you have a bread line to wait in?

[source]

**UPDATE**

Apparently, Ms. Sowinska had a change of heart today... She released this statement:

"They are fictional characters, they have nothing to do with reality, and the bag and scissors and other props the fictional characters use are there to create a fictional world that speaks to children," Lipinska said. "We are not going to deal with this issue any more."

It's cool, Ms. Sowinska. I still hate you and think you're dumb.

Mood Music: John Butler Trio in a Deep Green Ocean

This past Memorial Day weekend, a few ecorazzi peeps and I spent a beautiful Saturday afternoon at the Hatch Shell in Boston for this year's annual Earthfest concert.

You can read more about the AMAZING day over at ecorazzi, and soon they'll be video available of some interviews we were lucky enough to snag, but the highlight of my day was The John Butler Trio's instrumental genius, Ocean.

Although I couldn't find a snippet of the version they played at the Earthfest show (he plays a different version of the song every time he's on stage), above is a version they played live at Saint Gallen.

Quite possibly the best guitar solo I've heard in a really long time. I promise this one won't disappoint you.

Birthday ALARM

Actress Lisa Whelchel Blair (The Facts of Life) is 44.

Singer LaToya Jackson is 51.
Actor Ted Levine (The Silence of the Lambs) is 50.
Actress Annette Bening is 49.
Actor Rupert Everett is 48.
Singer Melissa Etheridge is 46.
Guitarist Noel Gallagher of Oasis is 40.
Cartoonist Aaron McGruder (Boondocks ) is 33.
Singer Melanie Brown (Scary Spice) of the Spice Girls is 32.
Rapper Playa Poncho is 32.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1886, Chemist John Pemberton placed his first advertisement for Coca-Cola, the ad appearing in the Atlanta Journal. BTW... Coca-Cola did once contain an estimated nine milligrams of cocaine per glass, but in 1903 it was removed!

Someone Crazier Than Hasselbeck Gets the Boot from The View

The saga continues... Hasselbeck has been defaced.

The New York Post's Page Six column reported that a Rosie O'Donnell staffer was escorted out of the ABC building on Thursday after she was caught drawing moustaches on pictures of Hasselbeck that hang in the View studios. O'Donnell's rep was not immediately available for comment Friday. I think it's funnier that it was a girl that drew the moustaches.

ABC confirmed in a statement that "photographs at The View's offices were defaced," the Post reports. "Rosie O'Donnell was not in the building. ABC Legal and Human Resources are investigating the matter." The statement did not say who was responsible for the vandalism.

[source]

Hillary Clinton Is a Bad Actress

Here is an paid for by the Hillary Clinton for President Exploratory Committee.

Please. Someone. Make her stop dancing.

YOUR YouTube FIX: Sicko

Here is the official trailer for Michael Moore's new movie, Sicko, a new documentary that investigates the American healthcare system like only Michael Moore can.

Birthday ALARM

Singer Lauryn Hill is 32.

Actor Ian McKellen (Lord of the Rings) is 68.
Director-Muppetteer Frank Oz is 63.
Actress Connie Sellecca is 52.
Actor-comedian Mike Myers is 44.
Actress Anne Heche is 38.
Actor Jamie Kennedy (Scream) is 37.
Actor Justin Henry (Kramer Vs. Kramer) is 36.
Actor Ethan Suplee (My Name Is Earl ) is 31.
Guitarist Todd Whitener of Tantric is 29.

INTERESTING FACT: On this day in 1895, playwright, poet and novelist Oscar Wilde was convicted of "committing acts of gross indecency with other male persons" and sentenced to serve two years in prison.

Manorexia Chronicles: George Clooney Edition

This is George at last nights American Foundation for AIDS Research (amfAR) benefit last night in Cannes. What's up with the dramatic weight loss?

[source]

Snub or Snafu: Elizabeth Hasselbeck More Tragically Unhip than Tai Fraiser

Cold shoulders, anyone?

Questionable Quotes/Celebrity Clone: Hogan Knows Worst Edition

Remember Donna Hogan, Anna Nicole's less-fortunate-looking half-sister? The one who wrote the scathing book about Anna Nicole only after she couldn't come back from the grave to kick her ass on Jerry Springer. Well, according to PageSix, people are still listening to Donna and this time she's talking about how she wants to become the next Anna Nicole:"A few years ago, Playboy approached me and I almost agreed to do it. But I was too chicken. My boobs weren't big enough," Hogan says. "But now, if Playboy called, I would probably do it. I just had a birthday and I'm going to treat myself to new boobs. I just want to get my body to where I want it and I'll be ready to step in and do it . . . You'll definitely see a transformation in the next year."

PageSix, like myself, thinks Donna might be overestimating her sex appeal. If she's going to become the next someone - I'd say it's more along the lines of Hulk or Linda Hogan. Are you sure the Hogans aren't all half-siblings? Ok seriously, this is a woman who wrote a whole book based on how her horrible, rich sister never helped her financially while she had to live in a shelter to protect her three kids. Now she runs a gift basket company and can treat herself to boobs for her birthday. Come on, lady. Send your kids to college with the money so they don't have to sell their sister's life story for boobs too.

Birthday ALARM

Actress Priscilla Presley is 62.

Musician Bob Dylan is 66.
Singer Patty Labelle is 63.
Actor Jim Broadbent (Moulin Rouge) is 57.
Actress Kristin Scott Thomas is 47.
Actor John C. Reilly (Gangs of New York) is 42.
Actor Eric Close (Without A Trace) is 40.
Rapper Heavy D is 40.
Actor Billy L. Sullivan (Something So Right) is 27.
Actor-rapper Big Tyme is 24.
Country singer Billy Gilman is 19.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1830, Mary had a little lamb by Sarah Hale was first published.

Celebrity Clone: Brit vs. Mini Brit

Britney Spears has a mini-her who has been gaining a bit of attention for performing Britney's songs. The problem: Mini Brit (Terra) actually sings the songs and has reportedly inked a six-figure deal to perform her 45-minute routine at Jeff Beacher's Madhouse in the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino starting this weekend. The only publicity regular Brit generated recently includes: refusing to fly because the commercial jet didn't have leather seats - delaying the flight for an hour, lipsynching to a skipping track at Orlando's House of Blues, showing off the world's rattiest weave and being made fun of by Madonna's brother and a bunch of trannies. I'm not going to lie, I still want a major comeback.

Behold the Magic

[source]

Birthday ALARM

Country singer Brian McComas is 35.

Actress Joan Collins is 74.
Actor Charles Kimbrough (Murphy Brown) is 71.
Singer General Johnson of Chairmen of the Board is 64.
Actress Lauren Chapin (Father Knows Best) is 62.
Country singer Judy Rodman is 56.
Comedian Drew Carey is 49.
Country singer Shelly West is 49.
Actor Linden Ashby (Melrose Place) is 47.
Actress-model Karen Duffy is 46.
Singer Lorenzo is 35.
Singer Maxwell is 34.
Singer Jewel is 33.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1969, the band, The Who released Tommy, the very first rock opera.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!

Posh has teeth.

Paula Abdul Breaks Nose After Tripping Over Her Fat Ass Chihuahua which is ironically also known as "The Smallest Breed of Dog in The World"

One of these 4 stories was undeniably a freak accident.

Guess the freak accident:

Paula Abdul broke her nose over the weekend after she fell while trying to avoid stepping on her Chihuahua, her publicist said Monday. "I took a nasty fall ... trying not to hurt my dog. I bruised myself on my arm ... my chest, my waist all the way down to my hip. All from my little chubby Tulip," Abdul said. No dogs were injured during the incident.

This is like the time Lindsay Lohan was preparing breakfast with eggs and everything that she was going up the stairs carrying a ceramic teacup. She had just come out of the shower so she was still wet and had some lotion on and she completely slipped on the stairs since it was slippery. The teacup went flying, it shattered and one of the pieces cut Lindsay forcing her to go to the ER. Or the time David Hasselhoff had surgery after severing a tendon in his right arm in a freak accident in a London gym bathroom when he was shaving and hit his head on a chandelier, showering his arm with broken glass. Or the time I accidentally superglued my eye shut trying to fix an acrylic nail while talking on the phone and they had to cut off my eyelashes and slice my eye back open then scrape the contact off my eye (because it was also superglued to my eye) so I ended up spending the night in the hospital on morphine and had to wear an eye patch for a few weeks.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Oops!

Some parents are up in arms over photos and captions in this year's Conifer High School (Colorado) yearbook that depict underage drinking and illegal drug use.

There were at least five pages that parents found objectionable. Two pages, labeled "Health - addicted to addictions," included photos showing students holding a bong, drinking from a hose and funnel and exhaling smoke. Alongside the photos were quotes from students, some named, some anonymous, about their drug use. "It makes me feel good," an unnamed senior is quoted as saying about marijuana. "It brings people together. If you smoke with someone, you're chill with them." In another section labeled "Regrets and mistakes" there is a photo of three female students - all identified - holding minor- in-possession tickets they were given by police for underage drinking. The photo caption quoted one of the girls saying, "I wish I wouldn't have told the cops the truth when they asked who had been drinking because they made it sound like they would be easier on us, but they let everyone else walk out the door."

Some parents talked to the yearbook adviser, Amy McTague, last week about her concerns and was disappointed in McTague's response. "She went on about it was the students' First Amendment right to freedom of speech, and we disagreed about that," a parent said. "She has betrayed the trust of this community." McTague, who also teaches junior English, could not be reached for comment Monday, but she sent a letter apologizing to parents. "It wasn't my intent or my students' intent to portray such a negative tone in their attempt to cover all aspects of a students' life and some of the very difficult choices they face," she wrote. "Intent, however, is irrelevant at this point; I understand that," she continued. "My editor and I have discussed at length and have agreed that there was no balance on the pages that are of concern and that some elements are completely inappropriate. These issues detract from the many wonderful things that are included in this book." Interim Principal Pat Termin agreed that mistakes were made. "There were some things . . . that I don't feel that I can defend," she said. "There were some pictures and quotes that I do believe have crossed the line." Students can return their yearbook to get a refund or to have the offending text covered with stickers featuring new captions and quotes. The "Health - addicted to addictions" pages will be glued together. [source] Cute solution. Just hope they don't sniff the glue!

Time for an afternoon lesson on the First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Unfortunately for Amy McTague, the first amendment only provides her the right to express herself without interference or constraint by the government. It does not give her (or anyone else) the right to say or print whatever the hell they want in a high school yearbook. The first amendment does not afford members of the media any special rights or privileges not afforded to citizens in general. While there may not be governmental boundaries with freedom of speech/press (except when engaging in and/or promoting illegal activities), there are societal boundaries, like the responsibility of her job and/or protecting minors from obscene/questionable material. It's a sticky situation. I mean seriously, what the hell was she thinking? The ramifications of one of these pictures could be life- altering. For example, suppose one of those students wants to run for office. That's obviously not something you think about while posing next to a bong in a high school yearbook but it might come back to kick you in the ass during your campaign - at age 30! So next time you want to pull out the first amendment in a questionable situation, contact your attorney or you might end up without your pension.

Celebrity Clone: Literally Edition

I was catching up on CSI On Demand when I was struck by a storyline. Ryan Wolfe (played by Jonathan Togo) on CSI:Miami, was fired. When I tried to relay this to my boyfriend, I screwed Ryan up with Greg Sanders from regular CSI (played by Eric Szmanda). Now I’ve been watching the show since its inception in 2000 so there’s really no excuse for this other than maybe Grissom having a secret cloning lab in the basement of the regular lab. I’m convinced they’re the same person playing a similar character.

Put This In Your Pipe and Smoke It

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Mood Music: Volta

Björk's new album, Volta, hit stores on May 8th with quite a bit of fanfare. Right now, it's number 9 on the Billboard chart.

Listening to this album is like digging your hands into soil; it's earthy, heavy with percussion, resonant, all mixed with a pinch of accessibility, and I believe we may have a winner folks!

Volta is the major follow-up to Medulla, a slightly more eclectic, vocally weighed, and less accessible album by my standards. In July of 2005, Björk released the album, The Music from Drawing Restraint 9, the soundtrack to her boyfriend's movie, The Drawing Restraint 9. Eh. Not my cup of tea either. Whales and Japan. That's all I'll say about that.

But, Volta is this amazing album that's really a fine collection of all the little bits and pieces that make Björk who she is. It features input from acclaimed producer Timbaland, Antony Hegarty and Sjón among other artists, and there's a real connectivity happening. It's organic, romantic, and raw.

Click the image above to watch "Earth Intruders," the first video from her Volta.

Another fun fact: Did you know that Björk's name means "a birch tree" in Icelandic? Now you do.

Guessing Game...

WHICH rehabbed starlet was in for addictions even worse than alcohol and cocaine? She's still battling a crystal meth habit . . .

I would have to guess either: Lindsay (she was scary-skinny for a while, seems like she never sleeps and she’s a ‘starlet’), Britney (because she’s a total mess), MK Olsen (even though she said she was in for anorexia – there have been rumors) or last but not least - that Miss USA bitch who isn’t really a starlet but went in for alcohol and cocaine.

WHICH state legislator is about to come under heavy fire from gay activists because she's not supporting the gay marriage bill? They say that although her legal residence is in Brooklyn, she really lives with her lesbian partner in Manhattan . .

I don’t know my NY state legislators but this is pretty juicy. I’m sure people who do know the NY state legislators could guess this in an instant.

WHICH bald billionaire had friends worried because he was walking with a cane? He laughed off speculation he threw out his back while overexerting himself one night in the sack.

Ron Perelman is bald-ish. I don’t really know the bald billionaires – just the young ones.

Birthday ALARM

Model Naomi Campbell is 37.

Actor-director Richard Benjamin is 69.
Actress Barbara Parkins (Valley of the Dolls) is 65.
Songwriter Bernie Taupin is 57.
Singer Morrissey is 48.
Actress Ann Cusack (A League of Their Own) is 46.
Bassist Dana Williams of Diamond Rio is 46.
Singer Johnny Gill is 41.
Actress Anna Belknap (CSI: NY) is 35.
Singer Donell Jones is 34.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1992, after 30 years, 66-year-old Johnny Carson hosted The Tonight Show for the last time.

Mood Music: Daydreamin'

I could not get the last Mood Music out of my head and it was annoying me. Needless to say, I wasn't in the mood to hear it anymore. Here is a great song from Lupe Fiasco feat. Jill Scott.

With one shitty song after the next - random rappers with the same videos - this song is so refreshing. In my opinion, this is talent.

YOUR 15 MINUTES: Toka-Cola

Kenneth Affolter just can’t catch a break. First he was sentenced to more than five years in prison for making pot-laced treats and soft drinks with names such as Stoney Rancher, Rasta Reese's and Keef Kat. Now he’s being sued by Hershey because the names, while witty, can also be categorized under trademark infringement, trademark dilution and unfair competition. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration, each came in packaging similar to Hershey's Jolly Rancher, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kat candies. The company is seeking $100,000 in damages. Papers were served on Affolter on Tuesday while he was in a county jail awaiting transfer to state prison. Affolter's lawyer, David M. Michael, said he was negotiating with Hershey. [source]

Quote It!

Celebrity Skin: Courtney Love

You can suck the fat out but the crack is obviously permanent.

Celebrity Clone: Movie Star Edition

Tobey Maguire looks like the next-generation Tom Cruise with those sunglasses. Luckily for Ruby Sweetheart, he's not. Suri, not so lucky.

Hefner's Bunny Almost Extinct

Hugh Hefner may seem like he will live forever, but the Florida Keys rabbits named after him may not. The population of rabbits on Big Pine Key has dwindled by about 50 percent in the past two years and is in danger of being wiped out. The Latin name for the rabbit is Sylvilagus palustris hefneri. That's a reference to Hefner, the Playboy magazine founder who financed research that identified the species in 1980. The medium-sized, dark brown cottontail with a grayish-white belly was put on the federal endangered species list in 1990 when the population in the Florida Keys was estimated at 200.

Wildlife officials plan to begin a program next week to trap feral and stray cats, hoping that keeping a predator away will mean that the population of Lower Keys marsh rabbits will grow. The strategy worked on another group of the animals at the Naval Air Station at Boca Chica, Florida. Officials will begin the program to trap cats Monday near the rabbit habitat at the National Key Deer Refuge on Big Pine Key. Not everyone is happy about the program. Some activists dressed up in cat suits and waved signs in protest near the refuge when the program was announced a month ago. In reponse, I'm sure Hugh will send out Holly, Bridget and Kendra in bunny costumes to do some promo in favor of the cat trapping. Look for it on Season 341 of Girls Next Door.

Refuge officials said the cats will be "humanely trapped alive" and then transported to animal shelters. Officials did not know how many cats could be trapped. Call me crazy but aren't rabbits kind of known for procreating? Wouldn't it be easier to throw a bunch of bunnies into a nice, safe yard and let them go at it? Bunny sex sounds like a much nicer, easier strategy. I don't think anyone would protest that... [source]

Birthday ALARM

Rapper Havoc of Mobb Deep is 33.

Singer Ron Isley of the Isley Brothers is 66.
Actor Richard Hatch (Battlestar Galactica) is 62.
Actress Carol Potter (Beverly Hills, 90210) is 59.
Comedian Al Franken is 56.
Actor Mr. T is 55.
Actor Judge Reinhold is 50.
Actor Brent Briscoe (Mulholland Drive) is 46.
Actress Lisa Edelstein (House) of 39.
Actress Fairuza Balk (The Waterboy) is 33.
Actress Ashlie Brillault (Lizzie McGuire) is 20.
Actress Sarah Ramos (American Dreams) is 16.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1932, Amelia Earhart, because of bad weather, landed in a pasture in Derry, Northern Ireland, becoming the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean.

Mood Music: Bone Thugs

I've been really "into" posting random old rap music in this column so here I go again: I used to looooooooooove Bone Thugs N Harmony and my boyfriend haaaaaaaaaaaaaaated them. I'm not quite sure why. We love most old rap/hip hop/. Anyway, the other day we watched some stupid VH1 Hip Hop Awards and Bone Thugs did this song in honor of Eazy E and Chris was like "I actually like this". It only took him like 11 years.

Celebrity Clone: Toof Edition

Throw a black wig and eye makeup on xine when she's wearing her Halloween teef and you'll have a regular old Amy Winehouse.

Celebrity Deathmatch 1291: Spelling vs. Francis

Since Joe Francis is in jail and Candy Spelling is old, they couldn't battle through their myspace accounts. Instead they chose a letter-writing campaign via TMZ.com.

Dear Joe, As the headlines about you changed -- to scream "imprisoned" and "U.S. marshals" instead of "filmmaker" and "entrepreneur," you respond by crying, wailing and seeing yourself as a victim. Bad move. Today's headlines call you a "crybaby." You blew it, Joe. Instead of jumping from party to party, you're being shuffled from one prison to another. And no one feels sorry for you. The flatterers and entourages have moved on. They have short attention spans. They're hanging on to someone else and will take advantage of the new "temp celebrity" as long as it lasts. The only redeeming factor is reading that you have been calling home every day from prison. When things are looking bleak, it sounds like you've found that you can get some perspective from the reliable people at home. Maybe you're realizing these are the only people who really care about you. Your world has changed, and you're the poster boy for what can happen when boys go wild. Your every move and every emotion are still being reported, but not the way you want. It's time for some dignity. At least it might prevent you from being forever defined as a crybaby.

Sincerely,
Candy Spelling

Dear Candy:
I don't know you, I have never met you and I don't know anything about you. After reading your letter posted on the internet, my mental picture of you is of a lonely old woman living in a mansion in Holmby Hills with let's say 300 cats jumping around, some in their own feces. I have tried to think to myself what would compel a woman such as yourself to write a letter to someone they have never met? Even worse, you are making up your mind based on headlines. I can understand you writing Paris Hilton a letter out of care because as you said in your letter, you have known her most of her life. Then again, it's sad and pathetic you had the audacity to post that letter on the internet instead of just sending it to Paris personally.

Candy, you don't know any of the facts concerning my situation. I am a hardworking, compassionate and honest person. I will prevail just as I have in the past because overcoming adversity is not only a part of the entrepreneurial experience but a part of life. You should appreciate this and know this more than anyone and I am ashamed of you for forgetting how hard it is to make it in this world and the people who would love to tear you down because you have. Sadly, it appears you have become one of those people.

Contrary to what you have said in your letter, my world has not changed. My business Girls Gone Wild is thriving and posted record sales last month. Most important, my friends and my family (I love you guys....) have stood by me. This whole situation will be over soon and I will be standing strong. I have never played a victim but I have always been a fighter. I will ultimately prevail in the matters at hand but I am concerned that you will die a lonely and unfulfilled person playing with those cats and posting open letters to people you have never met on the internet.

Sincerely,
Joe Francis

Your YouTube Fix: CH PSA - Bad Touch

Tranny Queen...Literally

When the students at Fresno, California's Roosevelt High School elected their latest prom queen, they took the term "queen" literally. Standing 6-4 in a pair of larger-than-average prom heels, high-school glamour-puss Johnny Vera was crowned this past weekend as the first ever transgendered prom queen. Johnny who also goes by the name "Crystal" is a cheerleader and was class vice president last year. He was also elected homecoming prince two years ago...as a boy. How cool is that?!?! Knowing there's a generation of young people who embrace diversity gives hope to the future. Here's a picture from the magical event: Oops wait, that's America's OTHER transgendered prom queen. Here's Johnny:

One Inflated Blind Vice

This one's too stupid for words—which means, of course, darlings, we have to blab 'bout it. So, put on your push-up bras, babes, and snap to! Board-Like Boring isn't really such a bad babe. She's sweet enough. Barely good-looking enough. She reads her lines with, oh, a fair amount of aplomb, I s'pose. But girlfriends, I daresay B.L.B.'s bosses at the big network gig where she does the 9-to-5 thang do not agree that Ms. B. has what it takes.

That's why her job was recently on the line—B.-doll came thisclose to being canned, and she heard about it. And the small-screen heavens above being what they are, Board-Like realized there was only so much she could do to improve her ho-hum prime-time performance—i.e., very little. Therefore, Ms. Boring did what many not exactly talented femmes do when they ultimately realize no amount of acting classes and TelePrompTer training will help: She got a boob job. And guess what?

It worked! The sex-on-their-noggins boss folk at the network changed their minds about Ms. B. (one of them just told me so directly), deciding that all the attention on B.L.B.'s impressive new cleavage would now be diverting viewers from Boring's otherwise nondescript delivery. Ah, Hollywood, predictable to the end. It ain't: It must be: someone news-y.

Birthday ALARM

Musician MELONHEAD Jack Johnson is 32.

Actor Chow Yun-Fat (Anna and the King,The Replacement Killers ) is 52.
Singer-guitarist Page Hamilton of Helmet is 47.
Guitarist Barry Graul of MercyMe is 46.
Singer-actress Martika is 38.
Comedian Tina Fey (Saturday Night Live ) is 37.
Rapper Special Ed is 33.
Singer Darryl Allen of Mista is 27.
Actor Matt Long is 27.
Actor Spencer Breslin is 15.

FUN FACT: On this day in 1897, Dracula, a novel by Irish author Bram Stoker was first published.

Green Think: Extreme Makeover - Green Edition

Everyone today is talking about Carbon Footprints: how to reduce them, how to offset them, and how to calculate them. Making things energy efficient is a top priority for everyone from Rupert Murdoch to former President, Bill Clinton.

The William J. Clinton Foundation has developed a plan that brings together a coalition of 16 of the world's biggest cities, five banks, and various companies and groups that have pledged to invest a ton of money into buildings that need to be made more energy efficient.

"If all buildings were as efficient as they could be, we'd be saving an enormous amount of energy and significantly reducing carbon emissions."

For more information about the Clinton's Extreme Makeover - Green Edition, please click here.

Spending Cheese

This Mark Rothko, "White Center (Yellow,Pink and Lavender on Rose)" sold for $72.84 million at Sotheby's on Tuesday night.

This Andy Warhol, "Green Car Crash (Green Burning Car I)" from the pop artist's Death and Disaster series, went for $71.72 million on Wednesday at Christie's.

"It was one of the most remarkable sales I've ever seen," said Christie's honorary chairman Christopher Burge, who also served as auctioneer. Post-war art broke the $70 million mark for a second straight night on Wednesday as Christie's sold a record-smashing $385 million worth of contemporary art, the second-highest total for any auction in history.

[source] via [source]

Birthday ALARM

Actor Hill Harper (CSI: NY,He Got Game ) is 41.

Actor-director Dennis Hopper is 71.
Singer Taj Mahal is 65.
Actor Bill Paxton is 52.
Actor-comedian Bob Saget is 51.
Singer Enya is 46.
Actor Craig Ferguson (The Drew Carey Show) is 45.
Musician Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails is 42.
TV personalityThom Filicia (Queer Eye f/t Straight Guy) is 38.
Singer Jordan Knight (New Kids on the Block) is 37.
Actor Tahj Mowry is 21.
Actress Nikki Reed is 19.
Actress Samantha Browne-Walters is 16.

FUN FACT: On this day in 2004, Massachusetts became the first state in the United States to legalize Same-sex marriage

YOUR YouTube FIX

Questionable Quotes: R. Kelly

"My greatest competition is, well, me . . . I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."

[source]

Damn, She Got That Bomb-Ass **(%&$*()#

Jessica Alba is delicious. Like homemade strawberry rhubarb pie.

Here are some photots from the Fantastic 4 promotion.

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